Trowa Barton (trowa_barton) wrote,
Trowa Barton

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FREEDOM (The Long Story)

Still trying to make sense over the past two weeks. Just starting to come out of hiding after a long hiatus. Where to begin explaining it all. It still feels like I woke up from a nightmare.
For a while, the job was starting to consume all parts of my life. There was a deadline. Due to confidentiality, I can't explain the details. All I know is that everything I was assigned must be done by December 6th. Mission accepted. Early November was not bad, but I arranged a trip to return home for Thanksgiving. Then the unusual hours started. I began getting up at 4am, 5am, etc. to pull in 12 hour shifts. I saw too many sunrises and sunsets from my office. Sleep dep was the norm. The numbers became a blur. All that mattered was finishing the deadline, finishing the mission. I thought a weekend home for the holidays would relax me.

The family reunion was...bittersweet.

My brothers are either really stupid or really brutal. The trip started with a 2 hour departure delay due to the first snow storm. Apparently, my airline was the only group that *didn't* anticipate the storm. On the bus to my old house, the theory that two Cubans can't talk for more than 10 minutes without mentioning Castro still holded. I went home to find my father and my youngest brother too glued to the TV or internet to notice my knocks on the door. From what I heard, these are the same people who messed up one my dogs legs during a bad nail clipping (poor Billy). As promised, a real Cuban sandwich was waiting for me. I saw my mother for the first time in nearly a year. I missed her. She went out for me and to make me comfortable and relaxed during the entire weekend. She seemed to be the only one. Saw the Bond movie, the Potter movie, and the Sandler movie. Saw more sleep and food than I was used to for a while. But it couldn't last.
My other brother never showed up, not even for Thanksgiving. A month back, he called me saying that he was looking forward to showing me around Miami on his new car and new job. Party all night.

This was before he just took off and left my parents without a car or money. My brother was full of shit. I underestimated how low he could go. Just found out that even his boss at work hasn't heard from him in over a week. He went completely rogue on everybody. This is not good. Either way, he left my mother in debt, resulting in a ruined Christmas. One of the hardest things that happened was when she told me not to come during Christmas. It was just as hard on her. For the first time, I will not be with my family for Christmas. I always made it, even when I was a student taking 30 hour train rides or 37 hour bus rides from Boston to Miami. There was the diaster of last Christmas, but that was still better than not being with my family. The thought of not being there still hurts me to this day. I afraid of being alone for the holidays. For the first time, I have come to realize that Barad-Dur is my home. A home that is barely lived in. The job sort of left it a big mess. Still haven't completely unpacked from the trip, and I returned a week ago.
Need to clear things up a little bit, especially with the fact that I'm to turn 25 this Sunday. I'm no longer a college student. It's been a while since I was social with my old friends. I need to see them again. I need to figure out what to do with the rest of my life while I'm still young (sort to speak). In the meantime, I need to party, drink, and have some serious sex.
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