Trowa Barton (trowa_barton) wrote,
Trowa Barton

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Coming Out of the Dark

I feel like such an ass. I've been cold. I've been rude. I've been antisocial (even when I'm with people) these past few weeks. It seemed fitting that I've watched both the Buffy finale and Episode II within a 24 hour period with the common theme of the descent into evil and chaos. Unfortunately, it makes one alone. Being the villain is not pretty in real life. Want to be plain old me (no matter how much I complain about the nice guys).

Don't want to be like my father right now. He's turning 75 this Thursday and he just wants to die. He's physically fine, but years of neglect and apathy to his own family have taken their toll on everybody, especially my mother. It feels like a quote from "The General's Daughter":

"My father was a drunk, a gambler and a womanizer. I worshipped him."

He's spiritually dead. For a moment, it felt like the difference between the two of us would be 50 years of age. I don't want to feel like that anymore.

One a random note, I'm still trying to debug my latest Perl script for work. Still a little rusty.

Don't know whether I want to go back to the Diesel Cafe for "social afternoons". I realized that I was more comfortable playing pool with a total stranger than talking about being poly with a small group of people over a decade my senior. At first, I wanted understanding of the poly community after being introduced a year earlier and now finding myself both single and poly. I understand it better.
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