Trowa Barton (trowa_barton) wrote,
Trowa Barton

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Last night

Yesterday, I just felt down, as if the energy was drained. Maybe it was the medication (long story) or certain difficulties in my social life (an even longer story), but I took a sick day off from work. Since I know that I don't have that many sick days in the year, this was rare. Tried to put what was left of that energy to write my game, but to no avail. Took a long walk to Harvard Square for random shopping (B5 Wars books, Barry Ween comics, etc.) late in the afternoon to clear my head. Even got some truffles from an apothecary that is going out of business after 148 years. Still felt blah, as if I was still in another plane of existence.
Because I promised earlier, I showed episodes of Gundam Wing to rigel at her place. Hopefully she was "in a mindset to be interested" at the time. I brought more truffles to her and her roommates, including bester who I haven't seen since game. Rigel later showed me the Utena movie.
I'm still having flashbacks on it.
I was hoping to talk with her some more, but shyness and temporal responsibilities kicked in at the last minute (making the T before it closes). Her entries on a polyamory group made me curious. I am a polyamorist in theory, but I have only a primary. Maybe the new group will help me understand more. It may also help me improve socialization skills. What I've discovered during my walks to Harvard, Porter, and Davis Square is that not only is my ability to interact with the outside world is dwindling. I've forgotten how to deal with strangers. That's not good. As I talk about the potential for new relationships, I must not forget the need to preserve existing ones. Worse than the death of a friend is the death of a friendship. I've seen too many of those. Which brings me to auror.
It hurts me to see her unhappy. It hurts me even more to know that there is nothing I can do about it. It feels like an Endless Waltz (another long story). All I can do is care for her and be there for her with hugs and chocolates. The day I stopped caring for her like that will be the day I become really inhuman. When that happens, be afraid...and shoot me.
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