Trowa Barton (trowa_barton) wrote,
Trowa Barton

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Firefly and the Holy Grail (Part 3)

Ever since I found out that Alan Tudyk is playing Lancelot at the Broadway production of "Spamalot", I've tried to incorporate the rest of the "Firefly" characters to "Holy Grail"

A clearing on the other side of which is a rough wooden foot-bridge across a stream. At the start of the bridge a tremendous fight is going on. A huge man in black armor (who looks like Jubel Early) is fighting a slightly smaller man in green.

CUT BACK TO MAL and ZOE. They watch, growing more impressed as they watch the fight.

CUT BACK TO the fight. The man in green lunges at Jubel Early, who avoids the blow with a skillful side-step and parry, knocking the green man out.

CUT BACK TO MAL and ZOE even more impressed.

MAL: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir bounty hunter.

JUBEL EARLY stares impassively and says nothing.

MAL: I am Reynolds, King of the Brown Coats.

Hint of a pause as he waits for a reaction which dosn't come. ARTHUR is only slightly thrown.

MAL: ... I seek the bravest and the finest knights in all the world to join me in my court at Serenity ...

JUBEL EARLY remains silent

MAL: You have proved yourself worthy. ... Will you join me?


MAL: You make me sad. But so be it. Come Patsy.
ZOE: Zoe!!!!
MAL: Whatever

As MAL moves, the JUBEL EARLY bars the way.

EARLY: None shall pass.
MAL: What?
EARLY: None shall pass.
MAL: I have no quarrel with you, brave but spooky bounty hunter, but I must cross this bridge.
EARLY: Then you shall die.
MAL: I command you, as King of the Brown Coats to stand aside.
EARLY: I move for no man.
MAL: So be it!

MAL draws his gun and approaches JUBEL EARLY. A furious gunfight now starts lasting about fifteen seconds at which point MAL's gun delivers a mighty blow which completely blows JUBEL EARLY's left arm off at the shoulder. MAL steps back triumphantly.

MAL: Now stand aside worthy adversary.
EARLY (Glancing at his shoulder): 'Tis but a scratch.
MAL: A scratch? Your arm's off.
EARLY: No, it isn't.
MAL (Pointing to the arm on ground): Well, what's that then?
EARLY: I've had worse.
MAL: You're a liar.
EARLY: Come on you shephard!
MAL: Shephard my ass!

Another ten seconds furious fighting till MAL blows JUBEL EARLY's other arm off, also at the shoulder. The arm plus gun, lies on the ground.

MAL: Victory is mine though messy. (sinking to his knees) I thank thee O Lord that in thy ... wait a minute...I don't say grace out loud.
EARLY: Come on then. I'm bleeding and I'm still fighting you. Does that seem right?
MAL: What?

EARLY kicks MAL hard on the side of his head. MAL gets up still holding his gun. The JUBEL EARLY comes after him kicking.

MAL: You are indeed brave Sir bounty hunter, but the fight is mine.
EARLY: Had enough?
MAL: You stupid bastard. You haven't got any arms left.
EARLY: Course I have. I'm a lion with a mighty roar.
MAL: Look!
EARLY: Just a flesh wound. Does that seem right? (kicks MAL)
MAL: Stop that.
EARLY (kicking him): Had enough ... ?
MAL: I'll have your leg.

He is kicked.

MAL: Right!

JUBEL EARLY kicks him again and MAL blows his leg off. JUBEL EARLY keeps his balance with difficulty.

EARLY: I'll do you for that.
MAL: You'll what ... ?
EARLY: Come Here.
MAL: What are you going to do. bleed on me?
EARLY: I fought a midget. I'm invincible!
MAL: You're a looney.
EARLY: I always get my man. Have at you!

MAL takes his last leg off. JUBEL EARLY's body lands upright.

EARLY: This does not seem right.
MAL: Come, Patsy.
Zoe: ZOE!!!!!
MAL: Right.
EARLY: Well. Here I am.


And so King Reynolds gathered his men together ... bringing from all the corners of the border worlds the strongest and bravest in the land ... To sit at Serenity ...


The wise Sir Shephard Book was the first to join King Reynolds's knights ... but other illustrious names were soon to follow ...

Sir Wash-a-lot the Brave ... (Zoe snickers)

Sir Simon the Pure ... (More snickering)

And Sir Jayne-the-not-quite-so-pure-or-brave-as-Sir-Wash-a-lot ...

... Who had nearly robbed the Magistrate of Canton (er Jaynestown) ...

... Who had nearly stood up to to the vicious Blue Hands of Ariel ...

... and who had personally jerked off in his bunk at the Battle of Ezra ...


... And then there was Sir Was-scheduled-to-appear-in-Season-Two-but-Fox-sucked.

Needs work.
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