H: I don't know. You're the Catholic.
TB: Good question. I only find out about these things too late. Usually on Ash Wednesday.
H: What are you going to give up?
TB: Don't know. Probably masturbation. I did it last year.
H: Didn't you give up coffee and masturbation last year?
H: What was that like?
TB: It felt like being dead.
TB: When all else fails, mock the Catholics.