Trowa Barton (trowa_barton) wrote,
Trowa Barton
trowa_barton

A FILK in the works

I will leave the details of my New York visit to hammercock who is more articulate that I am at this time.
Suffice to say, "Spamalot" kicked ass, especially with Alan Tudyk ("Wash") as Lancelot

COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS
AFTER A FEW MOMENTS WE HEAR HORSE'S HOOVES GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER. OUT OF THE MIST WALKS Malcom Reynolds FOLLOWED BY Zoe WHO IS BANGING TWO COCONUTS TOGETHER.

They approach a ranch

Farmer: Halt! Who goes there?

Mal: It is I, Reynolds, son of....hmmmm....don't know, from the ship of Serenity. King of all Brown Coats, defeator of Beylix, sovereign of all Borders!

Farmer: Get away!

Mal: I am...And this my trusty servant, Zoe. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of men who will join our crew at Serenity. I must speak with your lord and master.

Farmer: What? Ridden on a horse?

Mal: Yes!

Farmer: You're using coconuts!

Mal: What?

Farmer: You've got two empty halves of coconuts and you're banging them together.

Mal: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the planet of Ariel

Farmer: Where did you get the coconuts?

Mal: Through ... We found them.

Ariel: Found them? In Ariel? The coconut's tropical!

Mal: What do you mean?

Farmer: Well, this is a temperate zone.

Mal: A Firefly may fly across suns, or the space reavers or the ranchers seek warmer hot lands in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land.

Farmer: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Mal: Not at all. They could be carried.

Farmer: What? A Firefly carrying a coconut?

Mal: Why not?

Farmer: I'll tell you why not. Because someone flying a Firefly would not be involved in shipping a coconut that you'd be lucky to find under a pound. You would have to ship thousands to be cost-effective.

Mal: The ship could grip it by the husk

Farmer: It's not a question of where one grips it, It's a simple matter of fuel weight - ratios ... A hundred-ton ship could not hold a a one pound coconut and make a profit off it.

Mal: Well, it doesn't matter. Go and tell your master that Reynolds from the crew of Serenity is here.

Farmer: Look! To maintain profitability, a Firefly needs to ship four hundred and ninety three coconuts every route. Right?

Mal: Please!

Farmer: Am I right?

Mal: I'm not interested

Second Farmer: It could be carried by an Alliance Firefly. The Alliance is bureaucratic enough to ship one coconut.

First Farmer: Oh yes! An Alliance Firefly maybe ... but not a Persephone Firefly. That's my point.

Second Farmer: Oh yes, I agree there...

Mal: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my crew of Serenity?

First Farmer: But then of course, Alliance Fireflies are non-servicable. You wouldn't catch one near this shithole, let alone shipping coconuts.

Second Farmer: Oh yes.

Mal raises his eyes heavenwards and nods to Zoe. They turn and go off into the mist.

First Farmer: So they wouldn't be able to ship a coconut back anyway.

Second Farmer: Wait a minute! Suppose two Fireflies carried it together?

First Farmer: Why would they do that? Can you imagine the route line?
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