Trowa Barton (trowa_barton) wrote,
Trowa Barton

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Random Thoughts

It was brought up at a party last night that I should hire myself off as a token S.O. for events like parties, weddings, etc. As tempting as it sounds, I can't see myself to (1) sell myself to strangers, (2) charge my friends.

I don't mind being unhappy and bitter, but I don't like making people around me just as unhappy. I keep my pain to myself.

It's never about what have I done, but rather what I haven't done. I can detect a dozen...a hundred bugs, but my coworkers make it crystal clear when I miss just one bug. Despite being with hammercock to see her grandfather at the hospital in FL, it's the fact that I didn't go with her to his funeral that still gets to me. I remember a quote from the Barry Ween comics that went something like this:
"Even when you have all the answers it won't give you peace. And the greatest fear I have, and I have many is not in the solutions that evade me. It's in the answers I have that I'm too slow to execute. It's when I 'could have' but I didn't soon enough."

She's still grieving. I can still see it in her eyes.
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