And I usually go alone. The times that I do go, there's nobody I know from the usual crowd. No rigel. No klingonlandlady. No laura47. Normally, I get drunk with kamikazees and play pool.
As for OPN and Diesel, there were new people at the Diesel social yesterday. Eager. Ambitious. Everything I wasn't for the past year. It served as a reminder that after over a year with the poly-Cambridge/Somerville community, I'm still a shy, insecure outsider. It feels like I have to get in line for everything I do or say. I'm always going to be hammercock's boyfriend. It's almost like a monogamous relationship, and that's always not a good thing considering my history.